Under the Bridge

The outward signs
of inward turmoil
hint at the problem
that lies beneath

For as they say
still waters run deep
but I find at times
I don't even know
I'm standing on a bridge

Because when distracted and distant
the brain sometimes fails
to hear what the heart
truly feels.

When Google Fails

This blog’s a little different. I normally post only poems, but tonight I’m just going to share my thoughts.

I have always been a big believer in gathering information. If there is a problem, Google has a solution. And in most cases, I have been correct. I love to read articles on topics ranging from language acquisition to politics to the proper type of pantyhose for my skin tone. But lately, I have found that even Google can’t answer all my questions. Specifically, those questions related to human behavior. I have scoured article after article looking to boil down the reasons that she does this or he does that, and no matter how many I read, I am still bamboozled.

I feel like everyone should have a base personality, and that base personality shouldn’t vary much which in turn would make the person relatively predictable. I have found this to be the case when dealing with people on a business level and at the acquaintance level, but when you enter the realm of closer personal relationships, no list can give you a clear idea what is going on. I would know. I’ve read dozens. Lists can give you hints as to what the person is thinking, but largely you are left in the dark, waiting for the chips to fall where they may. This is an absolute nightmare for someone who is a control freak.

I am accustomed to being able to predict the behavior, and possibly prevent negative behavior, of those around me. This gives me a sense of security and calm. But lately, I have been barely treading water in the social skills department. I just started my first real job a little over a year ago and I was, and partly still am, completely unprepared for the group dynamics that take place in the workplace. How people act varies depending on which group they happen to be in, if they happen to like you that day, who they want to impress even at your expense, etc. As a student, I never experience social dominance struggles of this magnitude.

It is definitely a challenge, but I am trying to look at it as a learning opportunity. I will study the way my coworkers interact and try to find the patterns, assuming there are any. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can apply what I learn at my next job and live a much more peaceful existence.

I Can’t Regret Loving You

I always thought it silly 
To believe it, I did refuse
How could it possibly be better
To love and then to lose

It seemed much preferred
To avoid all the pain
To stay outside the waters
Sheltered from the rain

But now I understand
You changed my point of view
Cause even though you’re gone 
It was worth it to love you

Checkmate

I thought I was the chess master
The queen and not the pawn
But now I can see so clearly
That I was incredibly wrong.

I seemed so far ahead
Hidden securely behind my walls
But you saw my vulnerability
And now you’re making all the calls

How could this happen to me?
I thought I was in control
Keeping you in check
While guarding my delicate soul

But now I’ve come to discover
That I swallowed my own bait
And with no recourse in sight
I’ve lost to you, checkmate.

Photo Credit
https://www.google.com/search?q=checkmate&rlz=1C9BKJA_enUS629US629&hl=en-US&prmd=imnv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi7lZem04nVAhWK24MKHVgIDQkQ_AUICSgB&biw=1024&bih=653#imgrc=YzOmi57mwXObLM:

In This Moment

I am
Pulled in many directions
Separated into sections
Searching for connections
Confused at my own reflection

I am
Facing my imperfection
In need of course correction
But my own introspection
Offers me no kind affection

I am
Longing for perfection
But against all objection
Life doesn’t offer protection
From a heart’s misdirection

La Ausencia Of You

La ausencia of you
Echos in mi alma
Like church bells sonando
To empty pews

I store up mis lágrimas 
In buckets de reflexión 
To be poured out in luto
As one who loved and lost

Sembrado in sorrow
The pain crece
As did the amor
That I once felt for you

The Absence of You

The absence of you
Echos in my soul
Like church bells sounding 
To empty pews

I store up my tears
In buckets of reflection
To be poured out in mourning
As one who loved and lost

Seeded in sorrow
The pain grows
As did the love
That I once felt for you

As the World Whirls Past

Take a chance
And as the world whirls past
Completely outside your grasp
Feel the rush of not knowing 
Exactly where you’re going

Let expectation fill your veins 
And simply let loose the reins
As you focus on the feeling, 
Be swept away by the revealing
Of all the soul’s been concealing